Today I got the message that my grandmother had passed away this morning. I was braced for the news as it was accepted that it would be any day, and I've been expecting every phone call for the last two or three to deliver that news. In fact, I was just pulling the phone out to turn the volume back on after teaching so I could recieve such a call, only to find the text from my mother waiting for me.
I said my goodbye last Weds., so I have no regrets, nothing I feel was left unsaid. And outwardly I seem to not be reacting much at all to the news. In large part, I'm not sure how I'm supposed to respond anyway. I've not lost a grandparent since half my lifetime ago, and while I understand the repercussions more now, and I understand the importance of family more now... I don't know how to react. I cancelled my class last Weds. to say my goodbye, and I felt guilty for doing so, worried that my desire to get in to see her that very day, before pain meds. made her unaware of company, was extreme. But how do I know what's extreme at a time like this? Or what is too little response?
I can say this, the news this morning has made me impatient, unable to sit down to any one thing for any period of time. I'm bothered, but more like I've had too much coffee. Since she used to buy me coffee for Christmas though, I guess this is fitting.
Be happy, Grandma.